36 Hour Work Week: Coping-skills

Coping-skills

Showing posts with label Coping-skills. Show all posts

The geese at O'Kane Park

The heater kicks in. It is six o'clock (or five?) in the morning. That means the thermostat must read below 65. Yes, I keep my house cold overnight. I stretch from my warm, cozy bed, so comfortable, my body refuses to leave. I manage to get vertical, get my knitted hat, gloves, and running shoes on, and leash my tail-wagging-jogging buddies. At least, they are excited.

Welcome to my daily early morning.

Geese in a yard behind the park who quacks at my dogs each time we pass.

I gulp a glass of water and out we go to a thirty- to forty-degree weather.

Why do I do this? Why do I get up early to walk or jog each morning?

My doctor prescribed (along with antidepressant) a thirty to sixty minutes exercise daily.
My poor dogs are left at home for longer hours, when I work 9, since my teens are not home. I have to walk them outside for a nature treat.
I can use some muffin-top-trimming with a daily, scenic work out.
I feel more relaxed and energized through out the day when I exercise in the morning.

I think, these are also geese.

The nature welcomes me regardless of temperature. The geese wait for us each time whether the lake in the park is frozen or not. Or I'd like to think, they are waiting for us. I love watching them as I take my steps. They are beautiful, graceful, loud, and social (with each other, at least). They are reliable and always out there. When they fly, I look up to follow them, and take deep long breaths of fresh air.

What more? The nature is free unlike treadmills or elliptical. I don't need a gym membership to enjoy the fitness the generous nature offers. So I get out there, to the nearby park, and visit the geese.

Have you found your geese?

How could little creatures bring so much joy

However small, much like a toy

Just a touch of it, makes your heart leap

Freeing the pain, lifting your spirit

You can't help but smile

Although you're tired

Even its licks

You do not mind

soulful life, inspiration, puppy, white pup

This treat awaits for me on my oncology follow up appointment.

Valentine's Day Morn

She forced herself to leave her warm bed

Her body was heavy, the sleepy head

It is Valentine's Day, the day of red

It is also Sunday, to church she headed

She went alone, to the church nearby

Seating on the back and watching the crowd

Most people wore black, some gray, some not

But what she noticed was the color of love

Red tops, red skirts, red pants, and red shirts

Red shoes for little ones, red sweater for the old ones

They made her smile, the scene with the moms

Their daughters, their spouses, and their little sons

It is Valentine's Day

The day of love

The priest ended with the message

Love the God above

It is yet, another hard week. I had to force myself to go to church, let alone to write on my blog. My brain said, I need to do this. So here, I am, and here is my Gratitude List

1. My daughter is getting the treatment that she needs: not from the legal system but from her treatment team of professionals who also works with me to help me help her. One medicine she started on is exactly the same as mine. I just love medicine when it works. She feels herself again and refrained from crying.

2. Velvet and Snowball who keep me company while my teens are away.

3. My son for his hugs when I visited him.

4. The friendly staff at Children's Hospital. Even the guard who stamps my parking permit is very accommodating.

5. My journal that I write on daily. It never complains and it is always there to take whatever I pour from my mind.

6. My primary care doctor for pushing me to exercise. Thirty minutes to one hour of jogging and walking still give me this euphoria despite the other things going on in my life.

7. Sunday mass that gives me hope. And then, Jehovah's Witness came knocking on my door handing me reading materials to read. They will come back some other time, they said. Hmm. I felt too good to turn them away so I just said, okay.

8. Macadamia chocolates from Paul. There must be a hidden ingredient that makes me want to eat more than one piece, or two, or three . . .

9. Days off so I can take care or my daughter's situation.

10. Another clean bill of health from my oncology doctor. No trace of cancer!

My doctor prescribed exercise for me

She said I need thirty to sixty minutes daily

So I started jogging up to five miles

Everyday, I forced myself to exercise

If it won't work for stress

At least it'll help me get fit

My muffin top, I hope, will lessen a bit

But then, I am glad to get more benefit

I experienced euphoria

The endorphin is flowing

I could feel it in my head my chest

I am glowing

It's a state of happiness

Like I am alright

My teens will get help

And soon there'll be light

ABC Wednesday, euphoria, exercise, endorphin, poem

Zombies Run App

I had an urgent visit with my doctor yesterday

Her recommendation is to exercise each day

I found this fun walking app

That I can use on my way

Being chased by zombies

Pushes boredom away

My doctor prescribed an antidepressant

As I need more help to act as suppressant

The suicidal ideation is more than unpleasant

I pray that this will work, oh please, my Lord God

Paul is a blessing

He's a good distraction

He comes to the rescue

To change my attention

I laughed at him

After seeing this picture

I'd even asked if he "got" it

And he said, yes, he's pretty sure

(Yup, he got me with my eyes closed).

I am very thankful

that our Broncos team won

It calls for the whole state

for a big celebration

Here, we go Superbowl

The game is on

I pray for my kids

Who are now both in detention

I keep them there for now for their own protection

They kept running away when they were with me

So, although I may bond them out

I cannot let them be free

I need a better plan

To keep them from harm

And also to get myself fit,

Get ready for alarm

One after the other

Them running away

Caused unbearable pain, and so much dismay

It affected me so much in each and every way

I lost so much sleep

I could not function the same

So Lord, keep helping me

I hope and I pray

The walking and jogging are helping so far

And with this, app, again, I made it this far

More than 2 kilometers in thirty four minutes

I can feel the benefit in my mental fitness

I splurge on a new pair of shoes

Which I had been putting off

I did not think I needed it

Now I'm happy I bought it

It feels so good on my feet

It's so comfy, indeed

I can't thank Paul enough

My sunshine, my love

He must be sent from up high
By the Lord, above

Oh, here's another thing

That makes the cold morning jog bearable

My cute lady gloves that

It's so soft and comfortable

This is my post card to my son

My child, my first one

He's but a few miles away

But behind the bars he stays

He'll be there for 45 days

For running away

I just visited him yesterday

It turned out to be a bad day

He was blaming me for reporting him

The disappearing, the running

"You did not have to report me

I was gonna come back"

(He was gone for a 5 weeks)

(I didn't know where he was at).

So my visit last night

Did not turn out just right

And before it ends up a fight

I left the room and the site.

Sunday Sketches. sketches, drawing, art, postcard

January – New Year's Eve Party followed by Firework's in downtown Denver for the New Year 2015.
February – I went to a Filipino-American Valentine's day party and got picked in the drawing to be Miss Valentine 2015 partnered with a random man also picked for the night. I even have a crown.
March – Well it is my birthday month. What a good day to spend it Beni-hana while eating good food cooked in front of us with Paul and his family.
April – Is my fitness challenge month with my co-nurses. It encouraged me to walk for fitness and shake my blues away.
May – The month my boss offered resources to help me deal with family issues.
June – I discovered a volleyball club that offers free open gym for my daughter.
July – I started the Chopra meditation introduced to me by a patient and his wife.
August – We are back to family therapy, group therapy, and individual therapy.
September – I am beginning to be a couponing expert and saving good money on groceries and clothes.
October – It's a joy to watch my daughter in volleyball varsity.
November – It's Paul's birthday month and where did we eat? Benihana.
December – I made it through the year! Here are the last-week-of-December pictures.

Seeking for peace and guidance

I, Carin, an exhausted parent of two strong-willed teens, have been chosen to become the strongest mother, among all the other parents with defiant teens.

I will be everything parents ever dreamed of.

Patient. Strong. Intelligent. Perfect.

I will make the silver bullets. I will shoot the bad angels surrounding my children.

I will know what to do everytime they run away, or what to say and do so they do not run away.

I will protect them.

I will stop them from getting in trouble. . .

But I am not patient. I am not strong. I do not always know what to do. And I am imperfect.

Deep inside, I feel crushed.

Why isn't he home? He has been gone for three nights.

What can I do to prevent this from happening again?

I did it again. I failed my son.

You see, my son left home again. My son who is a chronic runner, who was doing good staying put since summer. He ran away again.

He left on Wednesday night following a heated argument between me and him. It started with the issue of taking the dogs out to go potty. So ridiculous.

How do I cope?

After wiping my tears, I grab my rosary every day (or my virtual rosary group in the form of an app). This rosary is my crutch and support, for this difficult time.

I have done what I know I should do—try to locate/message/call him and his friends. Report to the authorities.

After all that, I could cry a lot, or pray, or say the rosary. But today, I choose to do the last two.

Mother Mary, help me and my son find comfort.

And while you are praying for us, please include the family of the innocent people murdered by a couple in San Bernardino, California.

Help us.

I haven't gotten out much lately but I did shoot a few pictures:

Stolen shots of my teens before their required urine tests.
The view of the chairs from the chairs where I was sitting waiting for them.
Across the street on a windy day. I did not catch the flying leaves.
The view of cloudy downtown before the snow/rain day.
The fake foliage in the corner while I waited for my daughter finish her psychotherapy.

I like looking at the skies in this pictures. They make me think of my father who died last Wednesday. May his soul rest in peace. His suffering was brief (two days in the hospital), and over. May we (the ones you left behind) all heal from the shock of your sudden disappearance from our lives. We pray . . .

Swagger and Gold

As I look over my life and pondered for a moment

I can see so much sorrow, despair, and lament

Sure I can pick to cry to all my heart's content

Or I can choose to get these things out my head

I prefer riddance or expulsion

I have no need to fret

There must be some good things

Waiting to come to me ahead

I can dream of miracles, shining stars, and happiness

I can be mysterious, yet happy like a princess

Joy, peace, and content, I want to express

With palms and wrists together, I pray for success

So here, I am Oh Lord with my swagger and gold

Looking up to you to greet you with my sobbing on hold

It's hard to bear these troubles, I need to be consoled

Beneath my smile and swaggers, I feel so cold and old

--oOOOo--

Oh well, just this week I went to court with my daughter. Next week, we will have another "trip" to the court. The troubles with my teen son and daughter are not over but at least they are staying home. Anyway, I got to do some fun things like going to my daughter's volleyball banquet in high school which also marks the end of the volleyball season in school. Her coach made a short speech about each girl and she said my daughter has two more years of playing for her so I assume my daughter will be in varsity again in junior and senior year. I also got to watch her twice practicing in volleyball club that started this week. So, all in all, I had an okay week. There are moments that I feel down especially when I was in the court room, so the poem above is still fitting.

Lord help us.

If you want some 12-word inspiration to write a post, check here. It is a stress reliever and it helped squeeze out some creative juices in me especially that I am feeling kinda dry these days. LOL. If you're silly like me, you can even look for an image too. I was really looking for a golden swagger to match my poem but what I found is a pizza background instead with "me" praying in front.

Have a blessed Sunday.

L ike most, I have shared my problems and seek advice from friends and relatives. On some most difficult periods in my life, I had also postponed talking to professionals due to the beliefs--I would be fine, I would get better. And there were times that things did not get better. I avoided the issues. They either got worse or just got postponed. They did not go away.

In four different periods in my life, I got benefited by seeing a paid therapist on family issues, especially. As a result of seeking professional help, I managed to save myself, and learned to help my self.

I would rather talk to a therapist to ask for advice than to somebody close to me.

Why?

It can be embarrassing to talk to relatives and friends about my problems.

It's Z time in ABC Wednesday group. I once-in-a-while crash this fun group to explore the creative (or primitive) talent I have in poetry. Writing poetry forces me to write with much thought instead of just nagging.

Well, I am still nagging this time with some kind of a rhyme.

Zany me

Today's letter is the letter Z.

Zestful and refreshed, I was jogging this morning behind the volleyball club where my daughter was

Zephyr touched my face as I ran, how fun that was

Zany, I must have looked as I smiled by myself . . . but . . .

Zestful, no more!

Zestful, I was not anymore when I finished circling the block. I got upset

Zipless and angry, I saw a cop was writing me a parking ticket (he then pointed to a Fire Lane sign)

Zap! That's what I want to do . . . to that ticket and partly tree-covered sign (it did not matter, he still handed me the ticket)

Zin is what I need to drink to get over this $125 ticket.

boring?

My first reaction when I opened my bedroom was confusion. Wow, I have white powder all over the carpet. Where did it come from? From the attic in the closet? Who did this? . .

Wait this is my safe that was in my closet. With hammer and power drill (and hair dryer) out, it is obvious it was force-opened.

But Why?

Minutes later, the cops came, two of them prying the door open with a bigger hammer and an ax. They were pounding the safe in my bedroom for what-it-seemed-like-an-hour to fully open the safe door. Whoever did this had a lot of guts and determination. I am sure it wasn't easy. The sad part is, I have a strong feeling who did this.

The contents were all gone, of course. Police took parts of the inside for finger printing. After this incident, I had no energy of posting a thankful post. For a moment, I was mad with God. What else is going to be thrown to me? My load is so heavy, I am crawling. My teens are both on a run and not facing their cases in the court that have been dragging on for months. They stopped going to school. They do not contact me in anyway. Their deadbeat dad, my ex husband, does not offer any kind of help but he had the nerve to call and blame me for everything. Yup, the one who failed to give child support since 2009. The one who did not give support in any form to our children while I was not working during cancer treatment all the while I was keeping one hundred percent custody.

K
orte (or court in English) has always been an intimidating place for me—from traffic court to my divorce, I never was comfortable when I find myself inside the courtroom.

A view from the first floor of
the court house. It is starting to
snow outside.

Today, I found myself back in the courtroom for my teen daughter's court day. I showed up business casual with a pair of khaki pants, cotton blend purple top, and my good old brown leather Dansko shoes. My kid had her denim pants on and a hoodie sweat shirt. Looks play some role in appearing credible but knowing that compared to a month ago when she did not even show up, her presence this time, however street-casual, was better than no presence at all. I had to keep quiet and pick my battles with this kid with an immature mind facing not-for-kids charges. *sigh* Sweat shirt was fine. Then she complained how cold she was when we were outside in the parking lot. She did not have a jacket on. Hah!

Colored or black and white, snow is beautiful to capture.
This one is taken from the third floor hallway of the courthouse.

The day ended okay. I went to a class for work after court, then to my doctor, then off I went to the pharmacy. Finally, I got home and got showered with kisses by my dogs. It was on OK day.

Link up with these groups if you have any K-ful post or any black and white pictures to share.

Nurses Cure Coffee Mugs

by Nursing101

Our world amazes me! I look around me and I see flowers, people, animals, buildings. . . even food and drinks.

I take in the sights, yes, even the snow. I watch inspiring videos, listen to meditations . . .

I work hard to pay attention to these things because if I concentrate on my teens still on a run, I will go insane. And then I have a new bump on my chest my doctor took biopsy of last Thursday. Is my cancer back? Am I off remission?

My Plan

Flower from the store

Water Color Art

Do you know that photography and painting are two forms of therapy that can heal and restore the psyche? These two are some of many creative activities that can help us recover from stress and traumas. Art, in general, can help with emotional, mental, physical, and social health.

As many stresses hit me for over a year now, I resort to art lately, adding to my rookie fond of taking pictures. I am no expert in both areas but there are my works above. I feel relaxed as I work on them.

I am braving myself to join the art/photography party with these creative folks. It served as my inspiration to write this post. Want to join us?

Hey, hey, hey. It is another thankful week. I look forward to writing this post because of this upbeat thankful blogging group who inspire me. Here are my reasons to be thankful (and hopeful).

Receiving this award on my atypical no-break room lunch day made up for my exhaustion. I got nominated for the Daisy Award as an exceptional nurse as viewed by a family member of a patient. I assume a family did as we tend to get very sick patients in my unit (intensive care) where patients can hardly breathe, let alone write. This made my day and the next. I hope I can make more patients and family happy.

Daisy Award Nominee

Ha-ha, it is not what you think. My F today is all about positivity, fun, or calm. I have a few things of F to share with you today. Wonder what they are? I promise, they are e-FF-ing good.

Fear and anxiety consumes me (again) since my sixteen-year old son ran away for the 20th-something time. Beyond reporting, it and trying to reach out, I can either stay in fear about what if something bad happened to him or do something about my feelings. I started to practice anxiety-reducing techniques to deal with this stressful situation. One of them is meditation. Another is art.